Because Sometimes We Get that No Gets You Nowhere

You say yes to the sunlight and your pure fantasies, so you have to say yes to the filth and the nausea. Everything is within you, gold and mud, happiness and pain, the laughter of childhood and the apprehension of death. Say yes to everything, shirk nothing, don’t try to lie to yourself.
Hermann Hesse, “Wish Jar”

It is not hard to say yes to the nausea

when it’s your son’s and he’s lying on your belly

on the old wicker couch with foam cushions

and wave follows wave, and he shivers.

There is nothing romantic about this.

There is no way to say no. But there is love

and there is yes in the way that you carry him

to the shower, how he dangles his head

from the crook of your arms, how his legs

are more fabric than flesh. Do not squander this moment.

Cradle him as the warm water falls, choose to be naked

and covered in bile, to carry the weight of

the one that you love, to bathe his flushed face,

to be soft. To croon nothing but comfort. To baptize

yourself in this moment. Sun shaft in the window.

Gold in the spew. Yellow smell. Quiet splash on the wall.

Memorize the thin staffs of his ribs, the startling muscle

of his five-year-old limbs. Already you cannot explain

how you came this far, by some miracle to this small

white tub where the water heater has run out of warmth

and you want nothing but to be where you are.


One thought on “Because Sometimes We Get that No Gets You Nowhere

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s