I’m Reading

table center of my tiny world
made bearable by ancient
heater blowing hot dust
we inhabit this camper
as if we could make it
our home. in May I reach
seventy trying not to
resent the broken promises of
America of my hopes and dreams
or in truth

is my name old woman failure
do i stand like a broken
flag blowing in this cold
western wind wondering if
my prayers are too stupid
if that guy who spits anger
at my spiritual poems is right
belief an opium to make
me forget the freezing phantoms
that haunt my nights questions
howled by the coyotes in the fields
outside this place joining with
the pop of guns November hunters
take their fill and kill to cull
the herds of deer and elk
can balance be achieved by killing?

i know no words of mine have
any effect on the immutable divine
prayers i make only to change my 
countenance to spin myself into gold 
this poem discomforts me i want to leave 
town now run from her words she is 
explaining why no one has paid for my poems 
why i was born here where we stand
on the bones of those we kill and kill
where men and women and their children
in black skin have never escaped the 
slave ships in which we crossed them 
those who cross our borders
for refuge of any sort find guns pointed
and the soldier's boot no matter how long
they clean toilets and tend our lost children

this land is not your land or my land
though the indigenous ancestors sing
in my blood it is a stolen territory
not that it needs to be returned the
return is to a knowing that nothing
is ours, every drop of love produces
joy, manufactures abundance comes from
nothing we have done. truth yells here
our collective lie-thoughts believe in
the greed made pretty by manipulating charity
i show you my dinner plate instead of my
deepest fear and love cyberspace as unreal
as our emptiness. will we continue to allow ourselves
to be stolen crying alone at the screen? we mean
to earn enough next year to make us happy an
idea will come a hand will reach us through the 
internet of our isolation I lay down this LIE
sleep dreaming, answers unimpeded by the call of screen and mean
I have direct connection. my heart has wisdom written. i'm reading.

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